Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Idiot Savant Really Just an Idiot

Farefield, ND - Local residents were shocked and dismayed when it was announced that Regenal van der Hymen was not the talented savant painter experts believed him to be. Van der Hymen attained fame six years ago when an unnamed art speculator saw some of his work displayed at the Wedgewood Psychiatric Hospital. The speculator immediately purchased several of Hymans avant guard paintings and began displaying them in art galleries and truck stops in the lower Farefield area. Van der Hymen, who is unable to speak in complete sentences or use the restroom unsupervised, quickly rose to fame as the premier modern painter in the tri-county area.

Van der Hyman's unique style captivated the upper middle class art world of Farefield with stark images of stick figures with horseshoes for hands and short legs with no feet. "His work really touched my soul" said Finkey McDoubter who admitted to paying upward of 6 figures for 2 pieces of his work. "The horseshoes, as I was led to believe, represented so many aspects of human society that they could not be named" she continued "I can't believed I spent all my hard earned money on this junk. Do you know how much Mary Kay I have to sell to get that money back?"

While van der Hymen agreed to be interviewed, the interview was unable to take place due to injuries received in a hospital restroom. His publicists did state "Regenal wishes to express his apologies for anyone who may have purchased his painting under false pretenses. Well, actually he just kept repeating 'mommy pee pee, mommy pee pee' but I was assured by hospital staff that is what he meant".

Several residents have filed lawsuit against van der Hyman, who's net worth is estimated to be around 4 million packing peanuts. "Packing peanuts are his hobby" stated Menuelo Ronches, an orderly at the hospital, "He collects, studies and sometimes eats them. He's obsessed really".

After a whirlwind of brief fame and searing controversy, van der Hyman has settled back into his normal routine of painting in the grassy fields of Wedgewood and spending his afternoons masterbaiting in his hospial bed. When asked reciently if he regrets the past he simply replies "Fango man, breakin' the house, dooba doobie." Truer word have not been spoken.

View Larger Map

No comments:

Post a Comment