Space Shuttle Endesvour Dunrkenly Lands at LAX After Nation Wide Pub Crawl

Los Angeles International Airport - The space shuttle Endeavour nearly crash landed at LAX on Friday after a nation wide pub crawl.  The week long bender started in Florida at a Blue Moon tavern near Kennedy Space Center. Making various stops at seedy bars and dance clubs, Endeavour tried to use his falling fame to "pick up chicks and party with supermodels."

"I've been to space bitches. Bring on the hooch." Endeavour would shout as it toured various monuments throughout the southwest United States. As a few spectators came to the White Sands Test Facility in New Mexic to see the shuttle in the air for the last time Endeavour shouted, "Hey baby wanna see my retractable arm. It's 300 feet long. Let me just open my bay doors." Many spectators noted that they had not seen a civil servant retire with such insatiable hedonism since bill Clinton. 

Endeavour reminisced in between body shots and gave into tears when he stated, "The first time you go into space, man, you look at the earth and you are just awestruck at the like beauty of your home planet, man." When asked why the shuttle was now retiring, Endeavour stated, "The twenty-fifth time you go to space, you're bored with just doing loops around the planet. I'm like, f___ this shit. I'm going to the moon! I'm the motherf___in space shuttle. I go where I want. Let's have another boilermaker."

Endeavour dancing and on drugs at an El Paso night Club.

In another incident, Endeavour cleared out an El Paso dance club by shouting on the dance floor, "I'm going out with a bang. Just like the Challenger." Some patrons were seen crying in rage and disgust as they left the club.

Although Endeavours speeches have proven to be less and less coherent on the four day tour, the shuttle did sober up enough to leave Edwards Air force Base on time. But, en route to Los Angeles International the shuttle discovered the in-flight mini bar on board the modified 747 and quickly sank into an alcoholic stupor

Originally scheduled to arrive in Los Angeles on Thursday Endeavour demanded a detour to Tijuana and evidently smoked 4.2 metric tons of marijuana. "I used my afterburner to light that shit. I f___in' got the whole town high. I'm the motherf___in space shuttle. "

Endeavour was then detained by customs for a few hours for trying to cross the border with 8.6 million pounds of uncut heroine stored in the secondary bay. NASA Officials used long standing political connections to pay a fine and avoid jail time for the shuttle. 

Endeavour is now staying at a United Airlines hangar to be repaired and prepped for transport to its final home at the California Science in Downtown Los Angeles. Experts speculate Endeavour may also be receiving treatment for alcohol dependence and an STD.

Hologram Tupac Gunned Down in Possible Gang Related Shooting

New York, NY-After an amazing comeback concert at the Coachella Valley Music Festival and a successful tour with West Coast rapper Snoop Dogg, holographic Tupac Shakur was killed in a hail of virtual gun fire. At approximately 10:22pm last Saturday, the holographic rapper was shot six times while leaving a club in New York. Computer and lighting technicians were called to the scene but were unable to revive him beyond a command prompt, even after a reboot. He was pronounced dead at the scene.

When news of his virtual death was released on Sunday his album sales skyrocketed. Also, many fans mourned his passing with flowers placed outside the club. Some were virtually inconsolable.

Coincidentally, an album with all new material will be released next week. And Tupac Shakur's program manager said there is a plan to release six more in the next year.

One fan who had just asked for an autograph before the murder said he heard Tupac say "Not again...101100111010!" before shutting down.
No arrests have been made although, a holographic Suge Knight was downloaded for questioning. No bystanders were hurt in the shooting although one holographic bodyguard suffered minor data corruption.