Aging Bar Patron Finally has Internet Thing Figured Out

Stukukie, NY--Amongst the dirty bars tools and sticky countertops of the Hanging Wagon Saloon, a lone aging man sits smoking Marlboro Reds. He has the knowing smile that comes with an epiphany of the, possibly, life changing sort. "I told you Ace," he calls out the the bartender polishing short tumblers and staring blankly at the wall. "I told you I'd figure it out. This whole damn Internet thing. It is like a phone but not. It does more, but you can't talk on it." He takes another sip from his Jim Beam, neat. "You see I used to think it was like the game 'telephone' we used to play. You tell someone something and then they say it and then someone else." he grumbles, coughs and then takes another scorching drag and slowly puffs smoke out his nose in blue curls and let's it linger.

"I told you, You can't smoke here Rustin." the bartender comments unchanging his blank facial stare. Rustin Fingerburger has become known as the first self-proclaimed senior citizen in the tri-state area that can effectively describe the purpose of the Internet. Joe, Joe, and Bob, other Hanging Wagon patrons, are all staring in Rustin's direction slack jawed with respect. "Well, tell us what it really is, please!" said one of the Joes.

"If you take a telephone and plug it into a computer" Rustin continues " then add a high voltage fiber optic to it you get computer that talk."

"Woah," said Bob "you mean the computers talk?"

"Not like you or I but, yes. And they talk to each other in pictures of your grandkids from your shiftless son." he again touts two puffs of grey blue smoke from his nose. "Ace, you got a few years under us, can you confirm what ole Fingerburger is saying?" The other Joe says.

"Porn." Ace mumbles.

"What?"

" "

"He said what!"

"The Internet is for porn" Ace said sighing and continuing the blank stare."And you gotta put the cigarette out."

" "

"No, you can use it for that, but is much more." replied Fingerburger.

"No it's not. Just porn." Ace stands still rubbing the glasses not moving or showing any signs of other action. Then Ace says, "How are you even still alive?"

The four aging men grumble to themselves and Pencilpointy finally crushes the cigarette into the sticky bar. With those condemning words, Fingerburger soon gives up, absorbs more of his Jim Beam, and declines and further discussions of the matter.